Settling the bill after the last supper
Bike theft. (Only tried it once.)
Patrick went to the doctor with two burnt ears.
I know you're not stupid, Patrick. Far from it, if you ask me. How about your right ear?
"Well, I had to ring you, Doc. for an appointment, didn't I?"
Paddy says, “Nice one,
when do I fight him?”
The first replies, "Yes, I’m positive."
For further details, search my 'Travels' page, which is where I will have made this report.
If you'd like to keep a copy of this next 'instruction pamphlet' then do so soon, as it may not remain where it is much longer.
TO CONSTRUCT A BIRD FEEDER / ‘OASIS’
This is a plan for a model of a place where birds may take a ‘Smoko’ (drink break) not too far away to view from your back door or kitchen window, from where you may like to observe the ‘Tuis’ and their friends, as they socialize and refuel. This structure is made from two fence palings. The pieces required, once prepared individually, are attached together with a few screws and a minimal amount of glue.
Introduction
I am a bit of a D.I.Y. man, having done plenty of odd-jobbing, mainly during the thirty years since emigrating from England to New Zealand, at the tail end of 1990.
I did some woodwork at school in the sixties but I have seldom (never?) used a fully-equipped workshop since then.
I was recently asked to make a ‘Bird Stand’ based on a sample model shown to me.
Subsequently I have been asked to make others, like the original one. As a result I decided to design a replica, for two reasons:
I do not claim to be an expert in any field but I do enjoy passing on good ideas to others.
By all means read on and you may decide you would like to manufacture one of your own, either to attract some bird-life into your back yard or even to make others for your friends and neighbours. There is no need for you to invest a fortune as the materials needed may be purchased for next to nothing. This sort of model-making has become a hobby for me in my semi-retirement but may suit anyone, in virtually any age bracket. If I were a few years younger I may be considering this to be a financial ‘opportunity’ but I’m not, so it’s now merely a way for me to keep out of trouble … and to stay awake!
I hope you gain something from this before you throw it into the bin!
Good Luck … with an element of skill and a little bit of trial, error and common sense. May I suggest that you print a copy of the following measurements and instructions?
Materials / Components Required
2 fence palings: - Treated and rough sawn, 120mm long
2 small pieces of dowel: - 12mm diameter (120mm long)
25mm diameter (70mm long)
20 screws: - Any head: - 40mm (with corresponding
screwdriver, or you may struggle!)
A minimal amount of wood glue: - not essential but recommended
‘Roof’ (2 pieces) Piece 1 300mm x 160mm x 20mm
Piece 2 300mm x 140mm x 20mm
‘Back’ Piece 3 450mm x 160mm x20mm
‘Base’ Piece 4 300mm x 160mm x 20mm
‘Bottle Guide’ Piece 5 80mm x 80mm
‘Top knob’ Piece 6 Dowel - 70mm x 30mm diameter ‘Dish Holder’ (x3) Pieces7, 8 and 9 Dowel 120mm x 12mm diameter
+ an empty wine bottle … with a concave ‘bottom’
and a small, ceramic dish. Circular, with a diameter of 120mm
Sometimes I find instructions hard to follow. I hope you speak my language and will work your way through these procedures, together with diagrams, dimensions and a few photos.
Equipment
You will require access to a limited number of tools, as follows:
These are the tools that I used: -
... and the appropriate bits 
However, if you feel you’d like alternative, or further advice then you are never going to be short of ‘D.I.Y. ers’ who will be prepared to share their past experiences with you. I suppose we are becoming a dying breed but there are still plenty of us around, who are also dying to divulge what we know, before 'on-lining' takes over completely. (Google's a bit of a know-it-all, eh?)
You'll just have to pick out the good advice from the bad!
Lightly number each piece, from 1 to 5, on the side facing you. Draw an arrow pointing up to the top edge, plus initials ‘L’ and ‘R’ for left and right, at the corresponding sides. Pencil marks will be predominantly on the ‘front face’ of each piece. These pencil markings will help you to position each piece the correct way round and the right way up.
When marking out use a sharp pencil. Lines drawn should be clearly visible but not too heavy.
We don’t live in a perfect world, so remember this ‘old’ adage of an even older tradesman …
‘Roof’ (Piece 1) … in landscape mode.
80mm from the left edge draw a vertical line. On this line make a dot halfway down it, then make 2 more dots: 40mm above and 40mm below the midway mark. Finally, measure halfway along the top edge and make a mark.
Vertically downwards from here draw another dot, at 25mm.
Draw a vertical line 80mm in from the right edge. On this line make a dot halfway down it. Make two more dots: 40mm above / 40mm below the midway mark.
Mark halfway between the left and right sides, at the top edge. Draw a dot 10mm vertically down from there.
Draw one vertical line 80mm in from the right edge and another 60mm in from the left edge. Draw a third vertical line 185mm in from the left edge.
Halfway down draw a line horizontally from left to right, along the entire width of this piece.
Where this horizontal line meets the right edge, make a mark. From here draw one line to where the right vertical line meets the top edge and another to where it meets the bottom edge. You have effectively drawn a right-angled triangle at the right-hand end of this piece, which is now pointing to the right.
Find the intersection between the ‘middle’ vertical line and the horizontal line. Measure 25mm up and 25mm down from this spot and make 2 dots, 50mm apart.
Make 4 dots on the left hand vertical line, two @ 20mm and 60mm above, and two @ 20mm and 60mm below the horizontal line.
‘Base’ (Piece 4) … in landscape mode.
(No Diagram. This one’s too easy!)
Draw a mark halfway down the left edge. From this mark, draw a dot 15mm in at 90 degrees from the left edge. Draw a vertical line 75mm in from the left edge. Make two dots on this line: one at 20mm from the top and another at 20mm from the bottom.
I've been learning from experience and each one I make appears to have slightly different dimensions from the previous one. There's just a bit of 'trial and error' to make the bottles fit into the dish and the top knob. Plus, using glue I've decided is a bit OTT. There is not really the need to make problems for yourselves, so long as your screws are screwed in tightly. 😊
‘Bottle guide’ (Piece 5) …
For such a small piece of wood there is a lot of marking out to be done!
The shape to be drawn and cut out from this small square resembles an elongated letter C >
From the bottom right corner measure up 16mm and make a mark.
Draw a vertical line 35mm in from the right side. Measure halfway down this line and make a mark.
Make 2 other marks on this vertical line, one 20mm down from the top and the other 20mm up from the bottom.
Draw 2 straight lines, each from right to left, between the 16mm marks and the 20mm marks.
Place the point of your compass on the mark between the two 20mm marks. Draw a semi-circle to make the shape of a ‘C’. (Draw it freehand if necessary, as I did, unable to find my old school compass.)
On the circle at the top of Piece 6 draw a cross through its centre. Where the straight lines meet the circle edge make 4 marks, each 15mm vertically down the side of the knob. Join these four dots to form a ring around the knob, 15mm from the top. Draw two slanting lines from the opposite ends of one of the diameter lines to the 15mm ring. These should form a point, with a right angle at the top. This will later fit nicely into the angle of the underside of the roof.
‘Dish Container Pegs’ (Pieces 7 8 9)
You have a narrow piece of dowel (12mm diameter) which is 120mm long.
Lay it down and make one mark 40mm from the left end and another 40mm from the right end.
To save time later you may as well cut out these three container pegs while the dowel is there in front of you. If you are not really short of time then you can do this during the assembly instructions!
Sand down these three small pegs.
Also, to ensure permanence of your finished article make sure you have a small amount of wood glue handy. Be warned, that you may screw screws in or out numerous times, doing very little damage but once you have applied glue you have fewer options, should you wish to make amends / alterations later.
Remember, no-one is perfect, whatever you believe!
How confident are you that you are ready to go ahead with this permanent part of the ‘build’?
Gluing time becomes an important factor here. Drying and setting times will vary, depending on the glue you use.
“Premature, permanent connection can cause unnecessary stress, which no-one needs!”
According to the thickness of the screws, find a drill bit that is marginally narrower than those you have chosen to use. The length of the screw is more important than its thickness. In this case you need the screws to be 40mm long.
Replace the drill bit with the countersink bit and lightly touch the top of each of the fourteen holes, allowing sufficient depth for each screw head to sink a fraction below the surface of the wood, when engaged.
Drive in each of the six screws located at the top of Piece 1 until each point breaks through the far side of the wood and protrudes by about 3mm.
Clamp Piece 2 into the vice, with its top edge facing upwards and its vertical line at the right of centre. Place the two top edges squarely together, vertical lines opposite each other and screws pointing downwards. Lightly tap each screw on top of Piece 1 to make six little holes at the top edge of Piece 2.
Lift off Piece 1 and drill six holes into the edge of Piece 2, vertically downwards. Replace Piece 1 and screw in the six screws to make the join that forms the ridge of the roof. Don’t tighten them yet. (See advice given earlier.) The two ‘central’ screws should be on opposite sides of the ridge and 25mm from the top edge. Drive these in now so that the screws just poke through each surface.
Find the ‘Back’ (Piece 3) and saw along the two angled lines to form a point at the top. Clamp it into the vice with the point facing upwards. You have six dots for screw holes to be drilled. Prepare these as you did the other holes on ‘Pieces 1 and 2’.
Make sure the countersink indentations are made on the correct side of ‘Piece 3’.
Sit the roof, at 90 degrees to ‘Piece 3’, with the two rows of three screws squarely above the arrow of Piece 3. Tap the top of each screw to mark where to drill six more holes (3 on each side) at right angles to each sloping side. Locate each screw in turn to attach the ‘Roof’ to the ‘Back’. Use the set square to check the ‘right’ angle between them ... which is 90 degrees!
Take a long look and be happy for a few minutes. Go for a coffee or a snack.
Then return and detach the ‘Back’ from the ‘Roof’ !
(You know it fits and a more permanent join will be made later.)
Place the ‘Base’ (Piece 4) onto the bench. Tap each of the three dots with hammer and centre punch, then squarely drill three small holes right through the 20mm thickness. Insert the 12mm drill bit and proceed to cut out the three holes … but not into the bench! You could use a slightly wider drill e.g. 14mm but you would probably later need to use glue to secure the three pegs into place. The choice is yours, of course! These holes will later contain Pieces 7, 8 and 9. Alternatively, you will need patience to enlarge the 12mm holes with sandpaper wrapped around a pencil or a thin piece of dowel.
Find the ‘Bottle Guide’ (Piece 5) and make your own choice about how you are going to cut out the required shape. Here are two options for you to choose from: -
(i) Use a ‘Jig’ Saw, if you have access to one and have had sufficient practice with it.
(ii) Alternatively, secure this piece in the vice and make two saw cuts along the two straight pencil lines of the extended ‘C’, each one 35mm in length. These two cuts will meet with either side of the marked 20mm semi-circle. Drill numerous holes just inside the semi-circle of the piece to be cut out. These holes need to be as close together as you can drill them and should go right through the thickness of the wood. Then, use the hammer and a very sharp, narrow chisel to gently tap along the rounded outline, from both sides, until the ‘C’- shaped piece can be removed, or falls onto the floor of your ‘workshop’, whichever happens first! Take care during this delicate procedure not to whack the chisel too hard or you may split the wood and will need to make another ‘Piece 5’. I know, because it’s what I did at my first attempt!
Once the ‘C’-shape has been cut out and disposed of, you will need some patience while sanding down to the original outline, in order to give you the desired result. Use a piece of dowel to give you the rounded edge you need for this sanding process.
The next stage is to stand Piece 6 up in front of you. You need to clamp this piece in a vice and make two saw cuts, to form a point at its top end. The cuts you make are very short and will be at opposite sides of the Knob, from one of the ‘diameter’ lines on top, at 45 degrees, to the depth of the 15mm ring you encircled earlier. This point can be inserted now into the right angle you made previously, which is underneath the roof. Locate Piece 6 squarely, guided by the points of the two screws you inserted into the roof pieces. Remember the procedure for marking where the screws will be secured i.e. where you will drill the narrow holes at either side of this piece. This procedure is rather fiddly and it will pay you to mark the underside of the ridge to see exactly where the Knob will fit squarely and vertically. Remember, trial and error?
Lay Piece 3 down again, so you can prepare the six remaining screw holes. When you have drilled them make sure that the countersink ends of the screw holes are facing the right way. The sharp ends of the screws will make two marks to show where to make the small holes, squarely into Piece 5. Having done this, locate the Bottle Guide, so that its cut-out shape is immediately beneath Piece 6.
Find Piece 4 again … and the 12mm dowel, which you may or may not have already cut into three pegs (Pieces 7, 8 and 9), each 40mm in length. Your next move is to secure each of these little pieces into their respective holes, already made in the ‘Base’. Tap each one gently, knowing that it probably won’t fit tightly into its hole, yet. (This is far better than it being loose, at this stage of proceedings.)
Wrap a piece of sandpaper around a pencil (or something similar in shape and width) to allow you to sand the interior of each hole. Eventually, you should be able to tap each plug into its hole, making a snug fit. The bottom surface of each peg will reach the bottom of Piece 4 and its top half will protrude above it. When this symmetrical triangle is eventually formed check that your dish is the correct size i.e. it should fit into the triangle but not too tightly. There are four more screws remaining in Piece 3, to fasten Piece 4, at right angles to it. By now you have sufficient knowledge and competence to be able to secure these pieces together. Go ahead but make sure you achieve the ‘right’ angle (again)!
It just remains to make sure that the wine bottle and the dish fit into this structure.
The following process is optional: - * I have not stressed the use of glue prior to you seeing the completed article. It certainly does not take long to detach the model, piece by piece, so decide whether or not to take the extra time, to separate each join in turn by removing the appropriate screws, and adding glue before replacing each one.
When (if) you have finished the ‘total re-build’ tighten the screws for the last time and leave indoors for the glue to dry overnight.
The next day, if necessary (hopefully not) use a chisel to clean up the joints by removing the set glue that may have escaped during the drying process. Then sand the joins down lightly. What’s another few minutes’ worth to you, rather than not to finish off the job properly?
You need to prepare a sugar/water solution 1:8 ratio, perhaps adding a bit of colour to it, to help attract the birds. (Apparently, N.Z. Tuis in particular are likely to find this fuel supply attractive.)
(If you wish to do so, Google ‘Bird Feeder’ and you can gain more relevant information from there.)
Fill the bottle and place it so that the narrow end is submerged into the solution but is not touching the bottom of the dish.
The whole structure needs to be positioned carefully, somewhere convenient in the garden, attached to a fence, a post or wherever you may decide to put it. If it is too close to human activity and noise, move it further ‘into the bush’. Make the ‘Feeder’ secure by use of the ‘right angle’ at the bottom end, formed between the bottom of the ‘Back’ and the ‘Base’. I’m sure you will work out a way, but I suggest that you use slightly longer screws than 40mm to ensure the ‘Oasis’ is secured properly. That's up to you. You're the Boss!
A poem to finish off: - Use of glue is up to you!
That’s it, then!
I sincerely hope you have enjoyed working through this project and have achieved what you set out to gain from it.
You now have an option: -
You may either just put this down to experience and move on ………… or you can treat this as an introduction to ‘odd-jobbing’ or ‘do-it-yourselfing’ ………… or even considering designing and assembling your own mini-projects. The world is your oyster!
Regardless of whether or not this will lead to anything else for you in the future I am pleased to have given you the chance to maybe find another string to your bow … and I hope you enjoyed giving it a go!
Thanks for making the effort.
L&P
Photos
Call this next one a Full Stop!
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